I Just Don't Care
by ChiChiChico
Summary: Ikuto's suddenly disappeared, X eggs are multiplying in both numbers and strength, and Amu just can't take the strain anymore. The only way of relieving the stress is by grabbing her razor and slicing her wrists. Can Ikuto come back in time to save her, or is she too far in her own depression? Amuto pairing, warning of self-harm.


Hey! so this is my first try at Shugo Chara, and i'm pretty sure i failed. its also my first one shot, which i'm not exactly great at either, but i hope you enjoy anyways! please review!

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Rain pattered against the balcony doors relentlessly, making the girl watching the grey sky become even more depressed. It had been raining all day, and the already miserable teenager just felt worse.

Things had been bad these last few days. X eggs were showing up every, and for some reason, whenever the Guardians showed up, they would break on their own, destroying any chance of being redeemed. This alone would make the naturally sympathetic girl want to cry, but along with the fact the Ikuto's whereabouts were unknown even by his family made it worse. He'd just disappeared. No trace of where he was.

His father had come to visit a few days ago, but when he'd heard that his son was missing, he'd gone off in search. Her friends and Charas alike had tried to comfort her, but she seemed to be permanently in a state of staring off into space and thinking about the bad things in life.

"Honey?" her mom, Hinamori Midori opened the bedroom door softly, feeling that her daughter was acting strange these days. She didn't know why, her daughter was so shut off from her, but she decided she needed to talk to her girl.

Amu didn't even turn to look, her eyes only on the rain against her balcony doors. "Amu, we need to talk," Midori said softly, and went to sit beside her daughter on the floor. "Do you want to tell me why you're so sad?"

Amu just shrugged slightly, her black sweater rising with the movement. Midori tried again, saying, "Is it about Ikuto?" No reaction. "Did you have a fight with your friends?" No reaction. "Why won't you talk to me anymore, Amu?" she finally asked, exasperated. Amu turned her head slightly at these words, and Midori was shocked to see her daughter glaring at her.

"Whatever, Mom." She stood up and left the room, wearing just her black sweater and a black mini-skirt. Midori got up quickly, not wanting this conversation to end yet. She hadn't meant to get angry, but she was worried! Her daughter wasn't a depressed girl usually, so something big must've happened!

"Please wait, Amu," Midori pleaded, trying to catch her daughters arm, but Amu pulled away before she could. In seconds, the bare-foot girl was out in the rain, walking through the streets in a sort of daze. She wasn't thinking about anything in particular, just that she needed to get away from that stuffy house. From those stuffy people.

On her walk around the city, she passed by so many people, people who knew nothing about her, who didn't have any idea what she was going through, or how she felt. Right then, Amu felt totally alone. She didn't have her friends with her, they were so focused on these X eggs that they no longer hung out. It wasn't until today that she too had been fighting the black eggs, when Nagi had told her to go home. She wasn't motivated anymore. The enemies against her were too many, too huge. And every time, they'd win. Always, the bad guys would win, because bad guys don't have rules. They don't have restrictions the way the good guys do. For once, Amu wanted to be free of these restraints. To break free and do whatever the hell she wanted.

But no. Amu was a good guy. She was going to be a good guy till the end of her days, because that's who she was. It even showed with her Charas. Every single one of them were good. They were happy, and cheerful, and full of life. Not depressing or ready to give up, like Amu.

Amu returned home, soaked to the bone and shivering, but she didn't bother changing. She went into the bathroom and locked the door. She didn't want any interruptions. She wanted to do this without everyone freaking out over it, without anyone knowing.

Slowly, the pink-haired girl grabbed her razor out of the bottom drawer in the sink, and slowly drew lines of blood across her left wrist. Wincing from the pain, she smiled. This made her happy. Feeling this pain made her feel better. Like she could live on this pain.

Finally, she stopped. She knew when enough was enough, and that was when she started to feel dizzy. She couldn't lose too much blood and collapse, because the scars on her wrists would be found in seconds. So she washed off her hands and covered the cuts with rags to stop the bleeding. Once it had stopped, she went to her room, taking fresh rags with her in case the bleeding started again, and lied on her bed, simply listening to the rain.

The door to her balcony opened slowly, making her turn to look at the intruder. It was Ikuto. Tall, muscular frame, midnight blue hair, and dark blue eyes. He was beautiful, especially since he was smiling at her. A smile that didn't mock or embarrass her. One of pure happiness to see her.

She turned away, feeling tired from the sudden rush of emotions seeing him gave her. She didn't want him here. Not now, possibly not ever. She just wanted to be alone.

"Amu?" Ikuto asked, his voice betraying how hurt he was at the cold shoulder she was giving him. "Please, Amu, look at me," he pleaded, and she slowly looked at him. He was obviously hurt, and confused, but she didn't say anything to make him feel better.

"Ikuto," she said evenly. He flinched at the coldness in her tone, and wondered what had gotten into his easily flustered girl. She was so serious, so sad looking now. Was it because of his disappearance?

As he was thinking about these things, she shifted her arms slightly, causing her long sleeve on her left arm to pull up a little on her wrist. Ikuto wouldn't have even noticed if he hadn't seen the many red lines that poked out from the black cover.

Instantly, he jumped for her arm, yanking it towards him, hoping with all his might that he was wrong. Amu protested, trying to yank her arms away, but he held strong, slowly pulling her sleeve farther down. He gasped at the horrific sight of the thin strips of skin that had been cut open. In just one glance he could count ten, but when he looked closer, he could see the way she'd reopened her cuts many times.

She tried to pull her arm away again, but he wouldn't release her. Slowly, he turned his burning eyes to hers, and asked lowly, his voice a growl, "What have you done?" She glared into his eyes but didn't say anything. He repeated the question, and she gave in slightly.

"I like the pain. That's all." She was obviously hoping—for some delusional reason—that he would leave it at that, but he just scowled fiercer.

"Liked the pain? Why? How did you even start this? And why did you start?" he demanded, releasing her wrist to shake her shoulders. She looked away, refusing to meet his eyes. He stopped shaking her, feeling his heart break as he realized the pain he'd left the girl he loved in.

"You need to go to a hospital," he finally sighed, standing up. She immediately backed away, terrified. He was shocked. She was like a completely different person than before. He sat back down, hesitantly stroking her pink hair. She tensed under his hand, making his heart hurt. "I'm sorry, but you need help. And if you won't talk to me, I'll have to just give you the only other help, which is a psychiatrist." Her eyes widened before she slowly closed them and relaxed under his touch.

"I just don't care anymore," she whispered, and he asked what she meant. "I don't care about saving X eggs or helping people, or you, or life. I just don't care," she said again, looking like she was ready to pull out her razor and start ripping her wrists open again. Just in case she was planning on it, Ikuto quickly pulled her into a tight embrace, pulling the lifeless girl into his lap.

"Please, Amu," he whispered, his voice broken. "Don't give up on any of that. On me. I need you," he said almost too softly for her to hear. She sighed heavily and turned to face him seriously, looking like her old self for the first time.

"Then _why did you leave me?_" she demanded, and Ikuto drew back slightly, the feeling of guilt making him hesitate before answering.

"I thought you hated me. You never replied to the letters or texts I sent you, so I assumed you were avoiding me. I didn't want to find out, just in case you really _were_ avoiding me. My illusion of…_us_ would've been destroyed and I didn't want that. So I made myself disappear for a time." He tried to sound and look nonchalant, but now he could see that she was crying.

"I never got any letters," she cried unhappily, lifting her hands to her face to cover the tears. He was brutally reminded of what his disappearance act had caused, and instinctively grabbed her wrist and started kissing the scars. She didn't seem to notice as she went on. "I got a new number after one of my battles with a large group of X eggs. I tried to tell you it, but I couldn't reach you."

Ikuto moved up her arm, kissing her sweater, and finally, the distraught girl noticed what he was doing. She tried to pull away, but he just pulled her closer to him as he got to her shoulder and then to her neck. She turned her face away, trying to deny him, but it just gave him more room to kiss. Slowly, he moved his lips to her jaw, then her cheeks, then finally, to her lips. He glanced up at her eyes to make sure he was welcome to kiss her lips, and warmed slightly when he saw the look of complete love on her face.

Gently, he pressed his lips to hers, sparks of heat radiating through his body as she responded to him. Slowly, he pulled away, locking eyes with her before she could avert them. "Promise me that you'll never resort to hurting yourself to relieve _anything_ you're going through again," he murmured, his eyes flashing. She stared into his eyes for a long moment before closing hers and sighing.

"I promise," she whispered, and then pushed herself forward to connect her lips to his. He gladly received her, relieved that she was back. His Amu, his love, was back to him, and he sure as hell wasn't giving her back to the pitiless black whole that she'd been living in for who knows how long.

He was here to stay this time, if only for his sake. He was positive that he couldn't live without her again. It just helped that she needed him just as much as he needed her.

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So? How'd you like it? i didn't exactly mean for Ikuto to suddenly pop out of nowhere, but it happened anyways, so just to let you know, he'd been in town for about a week, trying to decide whether or not to come and see her or not, because he seriously thought she hated him, and he didn't contact any family or friends, which is why they all thought the worst of his disappearance. He finally decided to see her when he found her in 'that' state. Thanks for everything! hope you liked it a lot! please review, cuz i really do love reading them!


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